Change is Change

Recently we had a “change experience” that reminded me, again, of how unsettling change can be even when it is great news. To the left is my darling grand-daughter, Hailey Elizabeth. She is 2 and ½ years old.

Below is our brand new grandson, Gavin. He was born on Monday. Hailey was not sure exactly what was happening at first and what "baby Gavin" actually would mean to her life.









On Thursday last week, I took Hailey out for a little one on one time. We had a great time getting our nails painted and playing. On the way back she started to get mad! I said, "Don't you want to go home and see your mom and dad and baby Gavin?" Her response: "No mommy, no Daddy, NO BABY."

It cracked me up! Poor darling was weary of this new new situation and wanted her "princess - one and only - status back immediately." Two and a half year olds are great at letting go (a lesson for us all) so by the time we got to her house she was happy to see her mom and dad again. She was especially happy to show off her newly painted finger and toe nails and she gregariously shared the stories of time with Grandma. Her parents were wonderful to acknowledge and support her by giving her the appropriate attention filled with "ahhhs" and "wows." She still is a little unhappy about all the attention the baby is getting from her mommy, but she will adjust and she loves helping with the baby most of the time.

While this change in Hailey's life may seem small; it is big for her! If we were to really pay attention, we would know that many of the people around us are having their own "change experience" that is big to them. I once heard something that I have never forgotten, "Treat the person you meet as if they are in trouble and you will be right more than one half the time." After hearing this comment, I really started to pay greater attention to others and I have found that it tends to be more true than not. Think about those you know of right now that are worried sick about a teenager, those that are dealing with sick parents and who may need to be put in a nursing home, those with family members who have cancer or serious health problems, or who are dealing with the loss of a job or a failing marriage for starters. When we choose to really see each other, we see people doing the best they can with very difficult changes and difficulties in their lives.

Regardless of the kind of the change experienced, good or deemed not good, change is hard and sometimes life is difficult! As leaders, parents and friends there are a couple of things that help people get through change and difficulty a little more smoothly:

1. Be truthful about the situation. This is especially true if you have greater perspective or information. Delusion only prolongs the pain. (Baby Gavin is living at your house with you!)

2. Show individualized consideration. Good leaders and parents (who are also leaders) pay special attention to each person who is in their stewardship. Individualized consideration primarily consists of two important things; listening and mentoring.

• Listening: Listening is never over rated. Proverbs in the King James Version Bible says, "Incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding." This suggests that we gain wisdom by working to understand with our hearts as we listen. Making it safe for others to share their feelings, fears and vexations helps them to be more open and honest, acts as a diffuser for pent up emotion, and in the end, engenders trust and confidence.


• Mentoring: This consideration is given to individuals by providing opportunities to be a part of the change and enabling growth and development that facilitates higher levels of human potential. (You are an amazing big sister and you are so good with Gavin! You went on a date with Grandma all by yourself and got a pedicure - that is really a big girl! Do you want to help wash Gavin's hands?)
  

As for the changes in my life....I hate them! :)