One Last Post for the Month on Developing Greater Authenticity

Authenticity begins with self-awareness. One of the ways we gain insight about how we are showing up is through enabling feedback from others. (See Post of February 19) Inevitably however, self-awareness does not come so much from what others say as it does from how much we receive of what others say.

It is still amazing to me how many times I want to say when confronted with my own behavior, "No, I don't" or "It was you that took that wrongly" or "You just misunderstand me." This year I had the wonderful experience of going to a 5 day intensive coaching session where I was also on the hot seat over and over again. It was startling to me how quickly others, who did not know me, could pick out my defense mechanisms and get it right on the head! Personally, I think it is just not right that others can do that so quickly! However, the real point is that they can and do; often seeing us more clearly than we see ourselves! (Again, bummer)

In conjunction to opening to this other view, greater self-awareness comes also through our willingness to take an inner journey. These quotes may describe it best:

“We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey no one can take for us or spare us.” - Marcel Proust

“No revolution in outer things is possible without prior revolution in one’s inner way of being. Whatever change you aspire to in your affairs must be preceded by a change of heart … When this spiritual poise is achieved within, magnificent things are possible without.”

The Book of Changes, Chapter 40

This inner work can be exciting and also somewhat irritating, but I have never met a person yet that entered the journey toward greater peace, integration and performance that regretted it. All of us on this earthly journey, for the most part, are trying to make the most of it. Many of us find ourselves hopeful that as we age we also have some wisdom to show for it.

As a nation we desperately desire that wisdom and moral character be demonstrated by our political leaders. We also crave it from our leaders at our place of work. Clearly, becoming a leader who others want to follow is not over-rated. We can start by gaining inner clarity about who we are and what we stand for and then behaving in consistent fashion with what we espouse. What we do and what we think about consistently determines what we are and what we will become and in the end, how others experience us. When we can consistently show up in the same manner regardless of audience, power structure, and situation we have developed widened capacity towards authenticity and integrity as seen by our self and as seen by others. This congruence enables our capacity and capability for deepened relationships and better results, as a person and as a leader.

A classic HBR article by Drucker may be of interest: http://hbr.harvardbusiness.org/2005/01/managing-oneself/ar/1

"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in your mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kinds of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives." Henry Thoreau

A question to tinker with:

• What kind of thoughts dominate my mind? And, are they the thoughts with which I want deep pathways?

"It's a sad day when you find out that it's not accident or time or fortune, but just yourself that kept things from you."

Lillian Hellman

Miracle on the Hudson and Values Based Leadership

My husband’s brother, who is a 30-year veteran airline captain forwarded this to us last night. I know many of you have been captured by the "Miracle on the Hudson” and this letter from Sully may even be more remarkable. I was struck by the natural leadership that showed up in what he had to say. This is a wonderful example of values-based leadership applied in a crisis by a leader who was 100% responsible for those within his stewardship.
Enjoy it!

Association Representing the Pilots of US Airways
USAPA Special Update: Flight 1549 February 13, 2009

Fellow Pilots,

The following article written by Captain Sullenberger will appear in next week's issue of Newsweek.

"All I Wanted Was to Talk to My Family, and Get Some Dry Socks"

From the magazine issue dated Feb 23, 2009

“The night of the accident, after we'd safely accounted for all 155 people on the airplane, left the hospital, finally reached the hotel—the pilots' union and the NYPD whisking us away—I remember thinking that my needs were very simple. I'd lost all my belongings; I'd had the most harrowing three minutes of my life. All I really wanted was to talk to my family, and get some dry socks. It's been a month since the airplane I piloted, US Airways Flight 1549, made an emergency landing in the Hudson River.
Since then, the attention given to me and my crew—I'm trying to resist, somewhat unsuccessfully, everyone's attempt to make this about fewer than five people—has obviously been immense. But I still don't think of myself as a celebrity. It's been a difficult adjustment, initially because of the "hero" mantle that was pushed in my direction. I felt for a long time that that wasn't an appropriate word. As my wife, Lorrie, pointed out on 60 Minutes, a hero is someone who decides to run into a burning building. This was different—this was a situation that was thrust upon us. I didn't choose to do what I did. That was why initially I decided that if someone offered me the gift of their thankfulness, I should accept it gratefully—but then not take it on as my own.
As time went by, though, I was better able to put everything in perspective and realize how this event had touched people's lives, how ready they were for good news, how much they wanted to feel hopeful again. Partly it's because this occurred as the U.S. presidency was changing hands. We've had a worldwide economic downturn, and people were confused, fearful and just so ready for good news. They wanted to feel reassured, I think, that all the things we value, all our ideals, still exist—that they're still there, even if they're not always evident.”
As Leaders, we need to be aware of and respond to the need that Sully is talking about. All of the people in our organizations are experiencing what he is describing and his anecdote is right on:
Leaders need to touch people’s lives personally. People need some good news People need to feel hopeful. In times of significant change and turbulence, people need to know that the values we believe in and the ideals we hold to still exist. When I was very young, my father impressed upon me that a commander is responsible for the welfare of everyone in his care. Any commander who got someone hurt because of lack of foresight or poor judgment had committed an unforgivable sin. My father was a dentist in the Navy, serving in Hawaii and San Diego from 1941 to 1945. He never saw combat, but he knew many who did. In the military, you get drilled into you the idea that you are responsible for every aspect of everyone's welfare.
During every minute of the flight, I was confident I could solve the next problem. My first officer, Jeff Skiles, and I did what airline pilots do: we followed our training, and our philosophy of life. We valued every life on that airplane and knew it was our responsibility to try to save each one, in spite of the sudden and complete failure of our aircraft. We never gave up. Having a plan enabled us to keep our hope alive. Perhaps in a similar fashion, people who are in their own personal crises—a pink slip, a foreclosure—can be reminded that no matter how dire the circumstance, or how little time you have to deal with it, further action is always possible. There's always a way out of even the tightest spot. You can survive.
Even though we had a successful outcome, it's human nature to wonder about the what-ifs. The second-guessing was much more frequent, and intense, in the first few days at night, when I couldn't sleep. It was hard to shut my brain off and get back to sleep. Sometimes I didn't, I couldn't. It was part of the post-traumatic stress that we have all felt, that each of the crew members has reported to each other.
It's funny—for the first two weeks after the accident, Jeff kept telling me, "I just want my old life back." But the other day he finally said for the first time, "You know, this is OK. I'm learning to like this. This is good." I think he's coming to terms with what's happened. He realizes that he's entitled to the attention. That he can still be true to himself; that accepting it isn't selling out.
Besides the outpouring of support from the passengers, the most touching sentiments I have received have been from other pilots. They tell me that because of the years of economic difficulties faced by the airline industry and its employees and the decreased respect for the profession, they have not felt proud to go to work—some of them for decades. Now, they tell me, they do. And they thank me for that. They thank us, the crew, because we've reminded people what all of us do every day, what's really at stake. They feel like they've regained some of the respect they'd lost.
What's next? I will return to flying for my airline—when I'm ready. I'm not sure when that will be; probably a few months. I still haven't had many nights at home. My family and I are trying hard to remain true to ourselves and not let this change us, but there's a steep learning curve. The trajectory of our lives has changed forever. And we're determined to make good come out of this in every way that we can.”
Capt. Sullenberger and his crew saved all 155 lives aboard US Airways Flight 1549.
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Your Authentic Self

The HBR article of February 2007, "Discovering your Leadership" is a worthy read for my clients or those who are interested in learning how to be more effective and more wise. The writers state, "When the 75 members of Stanford Graduate School of Business’s Advisory Council were asked to recommend the most important capability for leaders to develop, their answer was nearly unanimous: self-awareness."

The studies we have conducted mirror their claim. By far, the leaders who are the most effective, the most respected, the most trusted and who achieve sustainable results are those who have taken themselves on as a project; actively and deliberately. This means choosing not to be satisfied with the status quo or "trusting a self-view" and it requires a willingness to do some surgery on those blind spots. This is accomplished through seeking out feedback, suspending judgement by looking for where the feedback "just might be accurate" versus "inaccurate and therefore not relevant" and maintaining a practice of continual reflection and heightened awareness.

This is not easy work. Denial is our greatest enemy disguised as friend - so primal that many times, we don't even know when we are in denial! Self-deception comes so naturally to human beings that we often ignore the ease with which we unwittingly claim our choices, behavior, and stimuli. We simply choose not to see ourselves fully, unable to embrace our true selves.

Terry Warner, founder of The Arbinger Group, states,

"Because we deceive ourselves so systematically, we actually have little comprehension of what we are. But we can come out of self-deception. We can learn the truth about ourselves. And what we learn is both surprising and inspiring."

May I suggest a few things that will begin to enhance self-awareness:

• Actively broaden your circle to bring in diverse perspectives and invite challenge to your perspectives
• Don't miss the opportunity to take a well done 360 degree feedback assessment
• Make it safe for people to tell you the unfiltered truth
• Become very aware of "your stories" and actively test them with a coach or someone you trust to help broaden your view and possibility.

Link to HBR article referenced above: http://hbr.harvardbusiness.org/2007/02/discovering-your-authentic-leadership/ar/1

Geopoliticus, Child Watching the Birth of the New Man, completed in 1943 by Salvador Dali.

I am intrigued by this piece of artwork. It dramatically captures the essense of birth and rebirth - although I wonder if we are ever free of the sticky, rubbery, seemingly menacing substance that is quite possibly required to both push against and also to protect us?

The process of becoming - does the process ever end? "What a magnificent human being," I find myself saying, as I search out the well-established opening! Whatever is happening through this process, it is majestic.

"You walking, your footprints are
the road, and nothing else;
there is no road, walker
you make the road by walking.
By walking you make the road,
and when you look backward,
you see the path that you
will never step on again.
Walker, there is no road,
only wind-trials in the sea."
Anthony Machado

I am curious to hear what readers think of this poem. Please send your comments and tomorrow I will respond and give you my two cents!

The trails of the world be countless, and most of the trails be tried;
You tread on the heels of the many ‘til you come where the ways divide’
And one lies safe in the sunlight, and the other is dreary and wan;
Yet you look aslant at the lone trail, and the lone trail lures you on.
Robert Service

Paths and trails are everywhere. They are also deeply rooted in symbolism and serve as a powerful image for "movement " toward something; there are many paths we could take; and thoughtfully and deliberately choosing one’s own path is not necessarily easy. Yet somehow many times in our life, we seem to intuitively perceive a path we must take, yearn to take, wanted and unwanted.
Leaders don’t all take the same path. Just as no two human beings are exactly the same, leaders, and the situations in which they find themselves, differ. You are unique in the way you are born to this time, in this culture, to your family of origin and in the circumstances of your upbringing and education. However, there are wonderful paths that we can, from time to time, share. In each of our lives there are crossroads where we join others and travel along the same path and then diverge onto yet another road. Crossroads provide us with an opportunity to learn from each other and to share stories and ideas. Ultimately however, we find ourselves on our own unique path where we travel alone.
Jung and Campbell, who were pioneers in defining the Hero’s journey, remind us that while we are on the journey there will be unforeseen events and obstacles to overcome along the way. Yet there will also be guides and mentors, insights to be gained, and newfound knowledge that one could not know was required before embarking on the journey. As you discover your personal territory, it can be better understood by the use of maps; people at the crossroads and guides waiting along the way to travel with you for awhile.

This is the work that I am privledged to engage in with others. This is the work of coaching. This is the work of discovery.

"Don't search for the answers. Love the questions. Live the questions. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."-- R.M. Rilke, Paraphrased from Letters to a Young Poet, 1903